Kid-shinobi-genius
by MsHuntergrl
Summary: Kakashi may be a genius, but he's also just a little kid. Oneshot, possibly a series of oneshots.


**Just a oneshot. Maybe I'll make more of them, maybe not. I thought it was a bit funny, even if it's a bit short. **

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Hatake Kakashi was a genius. At the age of five years there was no denying it anymore. Not even a year had passed by since he'd started at the academy yet he was due to graduate in less than two months. That was when some smart-ass realized while the prodigy excelled at hand to hand combat and jutsus and seemed to literally absorb anything theoretical thrown in his way, no matter how boring the theory was, no one had given him the necessary sex education.

That was how the little Hatake one day found himself in an empty classroom, save for himself and one of the academy teachers who's name he'd never bothered to remember. He couldn't help but have a bad feeling about this. Something was not right. Problem was he couldn't tell where the threat was coming from. So, like his training bid him to, the boy waited, ready to react at the first sign of danger.

The class started out simple enough, with the teacher telling him that they were going to talk about something that he very much needed to know if he were to graduate. This was something usually taught to the big boys and girls so the teacher would try his best to explain things in a way that Kakashi could understand but if he had any questions he just had to ask, ok?

Kakashi rolled his eyes, no longer bothered by the way adults addressed him as if he was a little child. Technically he was, though he didn't need people to talk in those disgustingly sweet voices to him. The teacher chose to take the eye-rolling as a confirmation.

"Do you know where babies comes from?" the teacher asked him.

"Of course I do," Kakashi scoffed, insulted that his teacher thought so little of him.

A smile spread across the teacher's face and he sat down across the desk from Kakashi, facing the little boy.

"Where do babies come from then?" he asked, trying to find out how much the boy knew on the subject.

At this question Kakashi's eyes narrowed and he stared at his teacher for more than a minute without answering. The teacher thought this was cute as the child rarely showed much emotion, hiding them behind the mask he insisted to wear.

"In all respect sensei, if you don't know where babies come from then you should ask your parents, or the councilor, or maybe one of the other teachers."

To his horror the teacher felt himself blush.

"Oh no, no I know where babies come from!" he hurried to explain. "I just wanted to know how much you knew on the subject."

Again the child gave his sensei a calculating look, as if he wasn't sure if he should believe the man or not. Then he shrugged, deciding to accept the situation and go along with the man's lack of knowledge.

"Babies are baked," the five year old explained.

It was hard not to smile at the tone of the child's voice, he sounded as if he was explaining something that was common knowledge to a complete idiot.

"How are they baked?" the teacher continued to ask.

"You take a seed and then you mix it with some eggs and other baking things and then you put in in the oven until it's done."

By now Kakashi was glaring at his teacher as if accusing the man for his idiocy.

"How do you know that?"

"Dad said so," Kakashi answered in his best Dad-knows-everything-and-can-kick-your-but voice.

Smiling the teacher drew a breath, mentally preparing himself for what was to come. This wasn't his first time doing this and he knew very well what kind of questions children used to ask and what their reactions used to be.

"Your dad was simplifying," he told the boy, already expecting the murderous look he got. "You see, to make a child one needs a man and a woman…"

For the next hour Kakashi sat perfectly still as his teacher explained to him about "sex", how a baby was made and how the whole pregnancy process worked. He did not utter a word of protest, which surprised the teacher. Then again, this was a genius, he thought. It would be surprising if the boy had not already started questioning his father's explanation of where babies came from.

When the boy had no further questions on the matter the teacher further explained what "sex" meant; what one could do and that it could feel good. Since the boy still did not have any questions he went further still, explaining about seduction-missions and how "sex" could be used to gather information and how it was also a powerful weapon. Then he spoke about protection and why it was unwise to leave an enemy woman pregnant with your child, thereby possibly giving the enemy access to your kekkei genkai or, in the case of Kakashi, another genius like him.

After a quick lunch the continued on by telling the boy about sexual diseases, showing the boy a number of pictures of what could happen to your genital parts if you caught one of these diseases. Still there was no reaction from the boy, whereas the teacher had experienced children twice his age fleeing the room to puke from seeing those same pictures. This only further proved to him the fact that Kakashi really was something special.

Next on the list was the matter of different sexualities where the teacher explained concepts such as "gay" and "lesbian" and "transsexual". Still not much of a reaction, though the boys eyes did grow a little wider at this new revelation.

With another hour left of the day the teacher hesitantly brought up the subject of "consensual sex" and the opposite. This were where children tended to get really upset and the teacher worried that he would have to deal with a genius going rampage in his classroom. Luckily Kakashi remained perfectly still on his chair, entirely focused on his teacher.

At the end of the day the boy had still not said many words and didn't seem to have any questions at all, which was unusual. On the other hand, it was unusual to have this conversation with a five year old as well.

When the bell called it a day they both left the classroom, the teacher heading towards the teachers' lounge to tell his colleagues another story of the amazing prodigy that was Hatake Kakashi. Kakashi followed the stream of students, the vast majority of them bigger than he was, out on the playground where parents and elder siblings were waiting to pick them all.

Soon enough the boy was spotted by his father and the man known as Konoha's White Fang came up to his son and ruffled his son's hair affectionately. When this did not render him any response he looked closer at his son, noticing the wide eyes and the carefully controlled look in them.

"What's wrong Kakashi?" Sakumo asked his son.

The look he got was so betrayed and so hurt that it felt like a blow in his stomach.

"What happened?" he asked, worried that his son had been bullied teased.

"How could you?" the boy asked, his voice trembling with emotion. "You…" looking for a fitting word, and with the days lessons still freshly in mind, the boy only found one word strong enough to describe what he felt for his dad in that moment. "You RAPIST!"

Storming off the boy left his father standing there on the playground, stunned by his son's behavior. Other parents were giving him weird looks and he somehow managed to pull himself out of the shock and run after his son.

"Kakashi! Son, wait up!"

Once he had caught up to his son Sakumo grabbed his shoulders and forcibly turned him around, only to have the boy shy away out of his grip as if he'd been on fire.

"What did I do?" Sakumo asked, sounding desperate.

"Y-you did _that_… with a _girl_!"

Suddenly there was a very heavy lump in Sakumo's throat as he realized what his son had been taught at the academy today. Silently he swore that he would brutally murder the teacher who had been so inconsiderate and scared his son this much.

"Son…" he tried, not really sure of how to handle the situation.

"What were you _thinking_!" Kakashi shouted, loud enough for the rest of the parents to hear. "I could get _cooties _from you!"

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**By the way... the part where Kakashi is calling his father a rapist, that's just him trying to find a really strong and bad word for someone who have risked infecting him with the cooties, nothing else, in case that wasn't clear enough. **


End file.
